Three years since crossing that stage, pretending I knew what was coming next.
Three years since one of the most frantic, overwhelming and uncertain seasons of my life.
Today, as I sat and scrolled through photos of that day, suddenly I noticed these these uncontrollable tears just start to stream down my face because that girl… that girl in those photos had no idea where she would be just even three years later.
My first year out of college was such a frenzy, I juggled six jobs, worked for someone who completely turned my life upside in the most life altering way (to which I sometimes still go to counseling for), I wrestled with where I was, who I was and what I was doing, I broke someones heart because of my confusion and chaos. I experienced the most anxiety and quite a few panic attacks that year and overall I was more of collection of frantic pieces than I was a whole and thriving human being.
Three years ago wasn’t even that long ago– but it feels like age ago. That person who walked that stage, pieces of her are still me. The crazy audacity to pursue a story-telling, creative career …that’s still me, the urgency to create beautiful things in this world no matter what she did.. that’s still me, the fear that it’s not going to look like how she thought…that’s still me. But the difference? is now I know…now I have evidence and proof that this whole time my purpose was folding into fruition, with every seemingly misplaced step and turn. Now I truly know just how good God is and how much he really does dream bigger on our behalf. Now I know that all this time, I wasn’t walking into an abyss of nothingness — I was walking straight into the goodness that He has prepared, equipped and created me for.
we don’t get to see the whole route, the stops we’ll make, the people who will be added into the story, we don’t get to see how it ends, we just get the opportunity of taking the first step, of saying yes, of enjoying every day that comes and every opportunity, blessing and experience that happens in between.
where you’ll be in three years or even one or two….or honestly even next week.
You have no idea the sweet orchestrating and connecting that is happening on your behalf. sure…you can make plans, set goals but truly when I tell you that you don’t know how the BIGNESS of what you’re apart of will come into fruition…I mean it.
I found myself overwhelmed with tears while staring at these photos from four years ago because this girl…this girl had no idea what God had in store for her. She had no idea how God was going to show up for her. She and I would have laughed together, at how wild and crazy these three years have been, about how much we’ve grown and how much more we trust. We would giggle at the way we were so frustrated and desperate for answers, we would grieve the things we’ve lost in between, we would revel in all that we have gained.
it is full of surprises of overwhelming and marvelous treasures tucked into the uncertainty, the chaos and the doubt.
My sister graduates college tomorrow and I find myself overwhelmed with how giddy I am for her. How excited I am to watch how her life unfolds in incredible and unbelievable ways. I am giddy for the woman she will grow into and the world change she will create.
No matter what transition is happening this month for you, be it big or small.
know that tomorrow will be full with its own necessary abundance of bigness and beauty.
know that the next year ( or the next few months) you will find yourself looking back and thinking, “wow, I had no idea.”
you will find the tears start to stream down your eyes, you will write letters to who you were and tuck notes of encouragement for who you will be.
friends, goodness is coming
and you have no idea how good it’s actually going to be.
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