The first poem I ever wrote about being black
Was about how I feared my hair would not match
with my love for marshmallow toned, Ashton Kutcher look alikes
That she would be a part of me they could never understand
Long then short, then long again
Curly then straight but long
and curly then short again
And wrapped up
And big and flat
She would be more complicated
than having to explain how black lives mattering,
does not mean that people do not matter
The second poem I ever wrote about being black was angry
How I apologized for being angry
because I did not understand why I was angry
The third poem I ever wrote about being black
Spilled out of me faster than I wanted it to
In fact, I did not want it to
I shut my mouth, ignored every hashtag and video and refused to let it tap on my heart strings
I cannot explain to you what it is to be black
I am still trying to understand what it is to be black
I can only hope that for a moment you do not see that
You just see human
You just see hurting
You just see feeling
That the discomfort is not to elicit guilt but to invoke change
To start a narrative so unfamiliar to your ears that you can’t help but repeat it
In hopes that it will make sense
But it will not make sense
Because it is not your narrative
It is only yours to pass along
To keep the thread woven through everyone’s stories so that distance
Will not be the reason for ignorance
The fourth poem I ever wrote about being black was this one
And tonight, I sat in a room with people who painted their minorities and oppressions and privilege all on one canvas
We brought the tombstone hashtags into light
And gave them the honor they were due
we talked about things that make us uncomfortable and human
There was no fighting
Only listening
Only love
So the fourth poem I’ve ever written about being black
Was healing
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