One of my favorite writers, Hannah Brencher posted a blog today about change and I realized her words resonated so deeply because it screamed “this is you, this is where you are right now.”
She beautifully states, “Change knows exactly what it wants when it comes to your door. It’s you. Your whole body. Your whole being. The parts of yourself you said you didn’t want to release so soon. That’s change— always looking different and always asking for the same thing when it reaches you: the permission to come ripping into your life to shove you around like furniture. For the better. For the worse. For the chance to leave you different than yesterday.”
Change has the tendency to bring about the question that every tongue so gracefully spills and every hearer bites his or her uncertain answer, so what’s next?
Seasons of transitions always bring about questions in terms of where you will fly to next. What location will your next ticket read?
How much will you take with you?
Will you be gone for a season or for however long forever looks like to you?
Do you desire to completely uproot yourself and overwhelm your very being with the start of something new (all high school musical puns intended)?
We sit and chew on questions until we can taste every bit of their uncertainty.
This season of what’s to come…what does it entail and how will it leave me?
I’m in that season.
That transitioning, shifting beneath my feet season. Where things are changing and I can feel it.
It’s more than just the vastly approaching graduation date, it’s me.
It’s the girl who was more internal storm than visual sunrise. It’s the lonely and restless human being who calls my body home.
It’s the adult who barely knows how to budget and can’t stop biting her nails unless they’re painted.
It’s the student who knows she is passionate about everything but the quadratic formula.
It’s the woman desperately trying to listen closer to her own heartbeat.
It’s me, I am this season changing inside this body and it’s exhausting.
In this season I am in…my heart is
healing. No no… my heart is healed and transitioning into a season of freedom. Of recklessly loving myself, so much that I can go on walks that turn into outside dance sessions to whatever song I’m currently obsessed with. I am trying intentionally and delicately to align my desires and passions with exploring what God is calling me to do and who he is calling me to be. In this season, I am staring at myself hard and long in the mirror, taking in every bit of tired under my eyes and wondering when I’m going to stop living like I’ve been swept up by a wave and have yet to find solid ground.
Now that I am not so startled by the shifting of seasons (because sometimes we don’t realize when we walk through change unless it smacks us in the face and when we do, we fight it as best our little souls can), I have noticed the experiences and opportunities that are blossoming in this season and how they are exciting the deepest parts of who I am for the “what comes next”. They leave me ravished for more of life and it’s inconsistency. But you know what else I have noticed? How every time a change occurs and uncertainty shakes us a bit, we are so quick to doubt God and he is so quick to show up. We anxiously pace, erase and re-write in our planners, change our minds day after day and he calmly speaks to us saying, Can you sit down? Can you just wait long enough to see what I am doing, can you please just be here. Right here. Be here with me in the midst of the question marks and chaos. Have peace my dear one. Have peace that I will show up and I will do wonders that surpass your pencil mark attempts.
Change is a funny little thing. Sometimes it quietly tiptoes around us and changes the colors of leaves or the grace in someone’s attitude or unclasps the hands we’re holding.
Sometimes it boisterously opens doors and demands that we acknowledge its existence.
But in all ways it exposes itself to us, it is inevitable and necessary and scary and yet so very good.
I don’t know what season you’re in. I don’t know if you’re still or shifting. I don’t know if you’re falling or holding onto thin threads. But know that where you are is not in vain. Know that this season is every bit apart of your story as any other season.
Nestle in all of this, whatever this is to you. Unpack your bags and stop pretending you have a destination somewhere else when your destination is right where you are.
Breathe real slow and take it all in.
Yes, I know sometimes the shifting of seasons convince us that we have nothing else to give,
but hunny you still have so much hustle and gold in you left.
Take a peak at Romans 8:29-39 and really chew on this rich text…it inspired this post.